young, dumb and (falsely) together
by Artemis08Luna
Summary: Only an idiot would blurt out to his parents that he's already dating even though he's not, and it takes a special kind of idiot to not even remember to keep their lie up by not remembering to keep their pronouns consistent. Yeah, Barry's that special kind of idiot. Thank God for Kara and Oliver.
1. Chapter 1

Kara's been reading for the past three hours and she can feel the fatigue in her eyes. She settles her novel down and just when she is about to put down her glasses on the table, Barry enters their apartment and slams the door behind him, causing her to yelp and send her glasses flying in the air. Luckily, Oliver is already making his way towards Kara and is able to flawlessly catch her spectacles without missing a step.

"Thanks, Ollie," she says gratefully as she hastily puts her glasses back on her face as her way of ensuring they don't break.

He nods then faces Barry. "Barry, how many times are we—"

"I'm _screwed!_ " Barry interrupts without realizing. He tosses his messenger bag on the coach before frantically pacing about in the living room, combing through his hair with his fingers almost aggressively, eyes wild and mouth chattering.

This catches Kara's and Oliver's attention. They share a worried look as they watch the brunet practically pace himself into a rut, seemingly mumbling to himself incoherently.

"— rightfully, utterly, _royally_ screwed. I mean, I deserve it, right? Serves me right for lying to them for weeks— no! Jesus, _m_ _onths!_ And now, they're gonna look down on me; they're gonna think I'm pathetic! What the hell am I saying? Of course I am! I'm almost thirty and I'm still just an assistant CSI! Oh god I really am pathetic—"

At this point, he is effectively cut off from his ramblings when a pair of hands squeeze his shoulders. He spins on his heels and finds Kara, gazing up at him with wide eyes full of concern.

"What happened?" She asks.

Clearly, she's spent far too much time with Oliver to have developed a sense of being direct, which she never was a year ago when they all met and became roommates.

"Umm," Barry stutters in response. He can't say it. No, scratch that; he doesn't _want_ to say it! It's so stupid and petty and he _really_ doesn't want to—

"Barry," Oliver says, arms crossed over his chest with a look that tells him he's waiting.

Oh god...

"I lied."

That takes the other two aback, enough that it makes Kara drop her hands to her sides that makes him cringe at his incredibly blunt confession.

"I mean, it wasn't anything huge really. Okay, well, it kind of is..."

"Just— tell us, please," Oliver says.

"All right. I lied, but it wasn't like it was premeditated or anything!" He waves his arms around animatedly in explanation. "I wasn't thinking _at all!_ It's just my parents have been pestering me about me not dating anyone, why that is, and they keep setting me up with Iris _even though she's basically like my sister! And she's engaged!_ Like it wasn't really that big of a deal at first, but Mom was near to tears about how she's getting older and _still_ without a grandkid and I got defensive and I just... kind of blurted out that I was already dating."

Kara's eyes widen at the revelation and Oliver's own ones just close at the ridiculousness of the predicament Barry's put himself in.

But Barry's not done explaining.

"—And that was back in _November!_ I've sort of kept up this lie that I've been dating this amazing person except I'm the biggest idiot in the world 'cause apparently I can't keep track of my imaginary significant other 'cause I keep interchanging his and her pronouns, which obviously confused them and when they confronted me about it, I panicked and said I'm dating two people and _now_ they want to meet my completely fictional boyfriend _and_ girlfriend and— oh my god, Ollie, stop laughing! This is serious!"

Kara whips around and sends Oliver a warning glare to make him shut up.

So instead, Oliver smirks. "Oh come on, this is funny. But you're right, this _is_ serious." He nods as he proclaims, "I'm in."

Barry stumbles, even though he's just standing, and he manages to choke on air.

"What?"

Kara faces Barry and shrugs agreeably. "I mean, it _is_ easier to just get Oliver and me as your fake boyfriend and girlfriend. We already live together, plus your friends and parents don't really know us and we have a year's worth of pictures for proof!

He's already shaking his head, already thinking about the awkward hand holding and the obligated _flirting_. "But—"

"Barry!" Oliver surges forward and shakes the brunet by the shoulders. "We're in!"

Oliver then proceeds to wrap his arms around Barry and lands a kiss on his cheek.

Kara giggles at Barry's sudden redness and his poor attempt to untangle himself from the larger man.

"What are you doing?" Barry demands, panicky.

Oliver rolls his eyes. "If we're going to make this work, we're gonna need practice."

Kara steps forward and adds herself to the group hug. "Yeah. We can't just meet your parents without being convincing enough." She stands on her toes and kisses Oliver fully on the mouth. Oliver obliges completely.

When they pull back, they find Barry somehow even redder.

"Okay, yeah."

* * *

AN: Flustered Barry is best Barry. Also, it's been like twenty fics, why am I still so hopelessly in love with this stupid ship?

Thank you for reading. Feel free to leave a review; they mean a lot and help me so much.


	2. Chapter 2

_AN: Guess who's a bitch and can't keep her WIPs in check. *raises hand way up in the sky*_

* * *

He likes to frequent this little coffee shop next to their apartment building called Jitters because, one, it's convenient - it's literally next to their home - and, two, he'd once been an employee back when he was still paying for his degree. He no longer works for them but they still make the best coffee in the city. Plus, his best friend Iris hooks him up with a freshly brewed pot every time so why should he look for another cafe?

With a hot cup of coffee between his hands, busy conversations buzzing all around him, sunlight set on low... this cafe has been synonymous with his idea of home a long time ago.

However, sitting in his usual spot, a booth in the corner of the quaint place, suddenly feels _tight_ and unfamiliar... with Oliver's broad physique taking up more than half the space right there next to him and Kara, unreal beauty and all, directly in front of him.

Usually, it would have to take a lot for him to feel cramped, even with his fair share of books, papers, his laptop, Iris sneakily taking breaks to talk to him for just a few minutes...

In hindsight, he probably should have just told his parents the truth: that he's a complete loser and totally not dating these two very much unattainable people. They're just roommates, nothing more.

That's way less complicated than having to get used to the fact that he's easily grown to just be a little bit addicted to the feeling of Kara's hand in his or Oliver's lips brushing against his temple.

Oliver sighs and pulls back. He almost protests at the sudden loss of him. "You have _got_ to stop flinching every time we come near you."

"I don't flinch!" He complains with a huff.

Kara raises a brow and reaches across the table to gently place her hand on his. It's not his fault goosebumps and the hair on his forearm rise. Kara looks amused by his reaction and lets go.

God she's beautiful.

"This isn't going to work," she concludes. "If we're supposed to be in love for almost half a year, we shouldn't be so uncomfortable around each other."

Truth be told, he's always had this...

... this...

... this bundle of indecipherable emotions—

 _Probably crushes,_ insists that tiny voice of common sense in his head that sounds a lot like Iris.

—on both his roommates since he first met them because, really, who wouldn't?

Oliver is built like a god from years of training and conditioning himself to be at his peak while he was in the army, and Kara might as well be the personification of sunshine with her endless supply of smiles and incredibly blonde hair.

He shrugs, feeling quite pathetic because Kara and Oliver aren't the ones that are uncomfortable; it's just him, the one that started this problem. The least he could do is put more effort in but... it's _hard_.

He runs his hand through his hair. "Maybe we're still getting past that awkward stage? You know, since we're kind of an unconventional couple?"

" _Throuple_ ," Oliver corrects. And wow, his eyes are just so... _blue_. "There are three people in this relationship 'cause _you_ couldn't keep your story straight."

He's about to argue back, maybe even grumble at Oliver but the man's right on both accounts but mostly about him not being able to keep his story straight. They've been roommates for a year and friends for a little bit longer, so Oliver is already well-acquainted with his unfortunate foot in mouth tendencies.

Kara speaks, "Speaking of story, what is it?"

"What?" God, why is his voice _cracking?_ He's nearing his thirties and his voice is _cracking_.

Kara looks at him with _that_ expression again, lips pressed together so hard and eyes widened to their biggest, as if asking if he's an idiot. Which, by the way, he knows he is. "Yeah like, you know, did we meet in college? Were we set up? Did you guys stop me from jumping off a building?"

His eyes widen. "Run that last past by me again?"

Kara rolls her eyes. "Barry, I'm just saying we need to have a convincing story about how we all met. At some point, someone's going to ask how we all met and we can't all have conflicting stories if we wanna convince them we're all together."

Oliver leans back and has his arms crossed over his chest. "Go with the truth. Barry was looking roommates to share the cost of the apartment."

Barry opens his mouth to argue but then snaps it shut. It's perfect. They don't have to lie or fib the truth 'cause that's what really happened. "Okay, yeah."

"Great, we have that down." Kara sips her coffee. "How'd we get together? Was it all at the same time? Did two of us like each other then the other one too?"

Barry closes his eyes and runs his hands through his hair. This is too much. "Oh god this was a bad idea."

"No, no! We can totally make this work!" Kara rushes to say. "We just have to—"

"Hey, Barry!" A voice interrupts them. Barry half-expected it to be Iris, but then again, Iris' shift has barely started and it's the morning rush so she wouldn't have time to come over for a chat. He looks up and it's not Iris but her fiance.

"Caitlin, hey!" His voice doesn't crack _thank god_. "What are you doing here?" He winces at the stupidity of his question. Of course she's here for Iris. Or coffee, which he knows she desperately needs in the mornings. "I-I meant, you know, you're here really early..." And she's not usually, contrary to her seemingly no-nonsense attitude.

"So are you." Caitlin's eyes seem to sparkle at the sight of Oliver and Kara. "With _friends_."

And it's right then when it slaps him in the face that Caitlin has never met his roommates. Iris has met and interacted with them sporadically in the past year they've lived together. Cisco has met them once. Wally has never seen them. Ralph doesn't even know about them. Harry most likely doesn't really care.

And this is Caitlin's first time meeting them.

"Not really," he begins to say, "they're my—"

"Girlfriend," Kara interrupts, knowing he nearly said 'roommates.'

"Boyfriend," Oliver adds.

"Significant others?" Kara supplies. Oliver nods and takes Barry's hand.

Barry should probably close his mouth, should probably stop gawking at his roommates by how simply they'd let it out but there it is.

Barry's hand tenses in Oliver's. Oliver squeezes back in reassurance.

But Caitlin doesn't look mad. Confused for the first second, it seems, but not disappointed.

"You're dating?" The lines around Caitlin's eyes crinkle; she's happy for Barry. "You're dating! Oh my god! And you didn't tell us?" By 'us,' he doesn't know if she means her and Iris, or her and Cisco. He kind of lets out a breath by the positive reaction.

It takes him nearly half a minute to recover. "Right. Right. Yeah. I just... I haven't really told anyone yet."

He can feel himself turn red under her gaze, knowing full well she wants to know more. Iris has really corrupted her.

Feeling his discomfort, Kara comes to his rescue. "It's... um... It's still..." Barry is slightly stunned, wondering if Kara's stumbling of words is genuine or not.

"It's still... new. _Really_ new. And... different from... from what any of us are used to," Oliver explains.

Barry finds himself nodding, looking at anything but Caitlin's watchful eyes.

"Right, of course," Caitlin says but Barry catches that glint in her eyes meant for him that he knows demands for more details later. "I'm Caitlin. Barry and I used to intern at the same lab."

"Kara Danvers." Kara smiles so brightly it would make any celebrity jealous.

"Oliver," Oliver says simply.

Someone calls Caitlin's name and it's Iris from the bar, waving despite the growing number of impatient customers who need their caffeine fix.

Caitlin smiles. "It was really nice meeting both of you."

"Hey, Caitlin?" Barry says before she's making her way to Iris.

"Yeah?"

"Please don't tell Iris yet." He pauses. "Or-Or Cisco. Or anyone actually."

She considers his request for a second. "Okay. But you know I can't lie to Iris for long."

"I know but... just not yet."

"Okay, Barry. See you later." And she leaves with one more smile towards Oliver and Kara before stepping away.

They all wait until Caitlin's out of earshot and that's when he releases a breath he hasn't realized he's been holding until then.

Kara bursts into laughter and Oliver leans back against his seat.

"We got this," Kara says confidently.

"Barry actually did better than we thought," Oliver says agreeably (to which Barry huffs in defiance).

This spells disaster but he can't help but grin his widest.

He really lucked out on the lottery of roommates.

* * *

 _(Shameless self-promotion: i have a tumblr! come say hi/follow me:_ _temmie-loony)_

 _AN: This is absolute bullshit. I haven't edited it yet but the night is calling my name._

 _Thank you so much for reading! Feel free to leave a review; they mean the world to me!_


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